Shouts & Murmurs
An A.I.-Generated Article on How to Tell If the Article You’re Reading Is A.I.-Generated
If artificial intelligence wrote it, redundancies won’t be there. I repeat, if artificial intelligence wrote it, redundancies won’t be there.
Return of the Plastic Straw
Paper straws are out at the Department of Justice. Also banned: Dijon mustard, flimsy paper napkins, and the word “Whiffenpoof.”
Corrections and Clarifications to Everything I’ve Ever Said
I said that because I was possessed by an ancient, malevolent spirit who I’m also really mad at.
You Love the Office
“My deskmate smells like roadkill, just like my roommate. It’s like I never left home.”
America!: Wake Up, This Decade Has Just Been an Elaborate April Fools’!
Since 2015, you’ve been part of a cinéma-vérité project directed by Jordan Peele, and you’re playing Hapless Liberal No. 61.
Mixed Signals
Who says there are no historical precedents for accidentally including a journalist on top-secret war plans?
The Millennial Exit
We were raised on red-40 cereals and people-pleasing! Shouldn’t any of that count for something?!
The Elements of Style, 2025
Updating Strunk and White. Link two thoughts with a semicolon, as in: He’s not even the real President; the other, even weirder billionaire seems to be in charge.
Getting Back Into the Swing of Things
It’s never a good idea to plunge headfirst into work after a long vacation, lest you overwhelm your system.